Journey to Eternity Podcast

Forgiveness: The Ultimate Freedom

• Luisa and Mike Sirignano • Episode 51

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Forgiveness stands as one of Christianity's greatest challenges, yet it remains non-negotiable for believers seeking spiritual maturity and peace. Unforgiveness pollutes our spirit and damages relationships, while forgiveness sets us free from the prison of resentment.

When someone hurts us, our natural response is to protect ourselves, seek justice, or even harbor resentment. These emotional reactions create barriers to the healing power of forgiveness. In this vulnerable conversation, Mike shares his painful experience with childhood bullying and the decades of anger that followed, while Luisa discusses a five-year estrangement from her sister that resulted from unforgiveness.

Together, they explore seven common obstacles that make forgiveness difficult, but the heart of this episode offers a practical seven-step process for biblical forgiveness. This framework acknowledges that forgiveness is a process rather than a one-time decision.

Remember—when Jesus taught us to pray, He included this sobering condition: "If you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Are you ready to begin your journey toward freedom through forgiveness?

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Mike:

Brothers and sisters, god did not send his son to die on a cross so we could wander aimlessly through life. He had a purpose for us to do his work, submit to his will and glorify his name. Join us on this journey, a journey to eternity.

Luisa:

So welcome to the show. I'm Louisa.

Mike:

And I'm Mike, and this is episode 51 of the Journey to Eternity podcast.

Luisa:

In every episode we help Christians use God's word to navigate everyday life in a sinful, fallen world.

Mike:

So hey, babe, welcome back to another episode.

Luisa:

Hey babe, welcome back to you too.

Mike:

So I just want to explain to our listeners how we get our topics for the podcast, and it's generally not something we plan out in advance. Sometimes we don't even know until the last minute.

Luisa:

But this one we have known for about a month, babe.

Mike:

Right, and that's because when we were leaving church one day, a brother came up to us and asked us had we ever done an episode on forgiveness? And I really had to think about it and then I had to check. And the answer is no, we have not Right, because I went back into the archives and I took a look around and there was really nothing as a forgiveness topic. Now it had come up as in discussion in certain episodes because forgiveness is a big part of the Christian life.

Luisa:

But we never dedicated a podcast episode to forgiveness.

Mike:

Until now. So today we're going to talk about the process of forgiveness and yes, it is a process and, if we're honest, it's not an easy one. But before we get started, let's pray.

Luisa:

Thank you, God, for giving us the wisdom of your word to put out another podcast episode. We thank you for giving us the desire to teach your word and to bring your truth to all who are listening. Please open up the eyes, ears and hearts to those needing your truth so that they can surrender it all to you. Help them to forgive as you have forgiven. We pray that you use this episode to help one person who is struggling to forgive. In Jesus' name, we pray Amen.

Mike:

Amen. So, babe, have you ever noticed how hard it is to forgive? The world is so full of unforgiveness. We see it in families, friendships and even marriages, and sometimes we even see it in the church.

Luisa:

Yes, sometimes unforgiveness happens most in places. We expect it the least.

Mike:

Right, it's usually, but not always, the people that we are closest to.

Luisa:

And, believe it or not, babe, it can be harder to forgive when you expect the hurt to never happen.

Mike:

Amen, I get that, but yet our hearts harden towards family, friends and sadly, even spouses. Absolutely.

Luisa:

So let's look at a few reasons why forgiveness is hard and how we can use scripture to change our heart.

Mike:

So the first one we'll talk about is emotional pain, and emotional pain is the hurt caused by someone's actions that can be deeply ingrained, making it hard to let go and to move on. And I'll just kind of take the lead on this one, and I know I've spoken about this before in a podcast when I was really young, when I first became a teenager like eighth grade, ninth grade I was bullied, and I was bullied really bad and aside from the physical part of it, which was brutal enough, the mental part of it was really hard to deal with. I became emotionally distraught. I mean, my self-esteem was really in the tank and I was so scared that I almost couldn't function normally.

Luisa:

And people don't really understand that mental part of that.

Mike:

Yeah, I mean it's like I just took physical beatings and then I was almost like isolated. I became isolated in my own little world. I didn't want to talk to anybody. I certainly didn't want to tell anybody. I was even afraid to tell my own parents. It was really, really rough.

Luisa:

And how did that work for you? It didn't.

Mike:

It was terrible. Aside from everything, telling the story of this, this kind of devastated me for quite a long time and I looked at the people that were bullying me and they became my enemies. I had such a hatred for them that it was really hard and I'll get into that more later but really just the emotional pain of it made it hard for me to forgive them. I mean, I went home and I thought about them 24 hours a day. Really, yeah, it was so harsh. I don't wish that on anybody, and just the thought of forgiving them, I don't think so.

Luisa:

And that's because you were abused physically as well. I was abused physically as well.

Mike:

But the fear and the mental part of it just my emotions were. It was a train wreck and as an unbeliever you can feel like the world is closing in on you. But in Psalm 34 and verse 18, we get assurance that we're never alone. And I didn't know this at the time, but God was with me. I mean, at that time I had no idea about God. But here's what he says. He says the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and he saves those who are crushed in spirit. So I just want to say that for those who are going through emotional pain, you're not alone and that God is always with you.

Luisa:

And as a believer, you really have to know that as well, because just because we are believers, it doesn't mean that we don't go through emotional pain Right.

Mike:

We're not any different than anybody else, but it's how we respond to that emotional pain and to be able to go to God with it. That's a big deal and it's going to lead you towards being able to forgive someone.

Luisa:

Right. So the next one is fear of being hurt again. Forgiving someone can feel like opening yourself up to potential future harm, especially if the offense was severe.

Mike:

Now, babe, you always say that you teach people how to treat you. Now I'm going to ask you a question Do you think that by forgiving someone for a wrong that they committed on you, does that open you up to getting the same treatment?

Luisa:

Absolutely. I'm going to use an example for you, for me as growing up, I was a young adult and I remember having a fight with my sister. We had like a physical fight and. I'm not going to go into really details. I just know that she hit me first.

Mike:

Okay.

Luisa:

And then it just led to us having a fight. There were so many emotions for me at that time. If I sit back and I think about it right now the emotions of being hurt again. I didn't want to feel that again from my sister, so what I did was I just stopped talking to her. It was five years where I just said you know what? This is not going to happen to me anymore because she's capable of putting her hands on me and the way I reacted to it.

Luisa:

if I look at it now as a believer, I didn't react to it in a godly way because I had no clue on what that looked like, but I just know for me at that time I just said it's better for me to stay away from her than to be in the space of her, because I did not want to get hurt again, and that could have been in so many ways. She could have hurt me.

Luisa:

She could have swung at me again. She could have said things to me that hurt me again or just try to open up that wound again. So I made a conscious decision to say you know what, I'd rather stay away from her and don't talk to her. So that's how I protected myself at that time.

Mike:

Right, I remember you were still kind of in the tail end of that when we first met, so I know that it wasn't like you were a little kid.

Luisa:

Young adults. We were young adults and I know that a lot of people have the fear of being hurt again, so this is why they don't forgive.

Mike:

Got it, so the next one we're going to talk about is a sense of justice. Now we might feel like forgiving someone means letting them off the hook without them facing consequences for their actions.

Luisa:

But I think that we look at it facing consequences that we want them to have.

Mike:

Yes, Okay, yeah, okay, let's just say that.

Mike:

Let's put that out there I know, and that's really where I'm coming from here. Okay, that's why, if we understand how God deals with things, it's a whole different ballgame. But we're talking about us as human beings. We don't have the same capacity as God. So if you take my example with being bullied, I always felt that those guys never paid any consequence for what they did and I wasn't the only one that they were doing this to, so I know that they never paid for it. Everything seemed just fine. They lived life like it was nothing.

Luisa:

I thought, that.

Mike:

But when I think about it now, the justice is going to come later.

Luisa:

I remember you talking to me about this and you talking to me about that big bully that he passed away. How did he pass away? You're thinking that nothing has happened to them and they lived their life bullying people.

Mike:

Oh, clayton, he wasn't even the guy that bullied me. But yeah, I remember that Bullying is bullying. There was consequences there.

Luisa:

Right.

Mike:

But really what we're looking at is not our revenge. What we're really looking about is how God takes care of these things. If we go to Romans, chapter 12 and 19, what does it say?

Luisa:

It says it's mine to avenge. I will repay, says the Lord.

Mike:

Amen. So if you're a believer, you can rest knowing that God will judge the wicked.

Luisa:

Right, and the next one is pride and self-worth. Holding on to anger can sometimes be tied to our sense of self, making it difficult to release that emotion.

Mike:

Forgiving someone can be seen as a sign of weakness.

Luisa:

Right In the world, in the world.

Mike:

Okay, to hold a grudge only worsens your emotions because you stay mad.

Luisa:

And if I think about that right now, just in my own life, growing up I remember that my parents always said to us if somebody does something to you, you get revenge, and you don't forget, oh man, that's harsh I remember that so clearly. So I grew up always holding a grudge to anyone that did anything to me, and this takes me back to the relationship that I had with my sister. That was embedded in my brain.

Luisa:

So, even my sister. I wasn't going to forgive because she did something to me and that's part of pride and self.

Mike:

She did something to me.

Luisa:

So I have the right to treat her in this manner? That's not godly.

Mike:

Right Now. Think about that. It's coming out of your family, Right out of your immediate family. You're learning that lesson that you don't forgive. You hold a grudge. You stay mad. That's the enemy forever.

Luisa:

That person will be your enemy forever, so you can never be that person's friend.

Mike:

Imagine the damage that does.

Luisa:

It does do damage because I remember, if I think about it, who I am and I remember I'm a very forgiving person, but I wasn't allowed to forgive because if I did, then I would get in trouble.

Mike:

Right, it was a sign of weakness.

Luisa:

Right, that was a sign of weakness. So if I became a friend of somebody that did something to me, you're weak and that person is going to control you and you're not going to have a life.

Mike:

Wow.

Luisa:

Yeah O, you and you're not going to have a life. Wow yeah, that's harsh. So we have to be really mindful of the words that come out of our mouths and how we parent children, amen, amen.

Mike:

So the next is lack of remorse. Now, if the person who wronged us doesn't show genuine remorse or take responsibility, it can be harder to forgive them. So again, I'm going to stay on this bully topic because it's kind of taken me through all of these stages, what I went through. So you're seeing that this isn't like a short process, it's over years. So I remember I ran into this bully about 15 years later. We were in a flea market and it's just one of those meetings where you never expect to run into somebody like that but you do. So I remember it kind of caught me off guard and it immediately brought the hurt back out to me like stuff I might not have thought about for a while. All of a sudden it was kind of flashing before my head?

Luisa:

Was it hurt and anger and all those emotions that you had when you were a teenager?

Mike:

Yeah it all just came back. It was really like startling to me. But he spoke to me like it had never happened. It was really weird. He just like hey, hey, mike, you know like we're buds, you know. But did you and him become friends after? No, I hadn't seen him Really. I mean, it's not hard to recognize somebody. It's not like we were 70 years later. But the way he just treated it like it never happened. I wasn't expecting any apologies from him.

Luisa:

But it really deepened the hatred I had for him and I think that happens when that person that hurts you and does something to you and they act like it never happened. I think that just escalates everything that you've been through it did, it did. He doesn't understand that he hurt me.

Mike:

Yeah, he doesn't understand. It's like he didn't care, right, and you know, I don't know. I can't get in his head, I'm not even going to try.

Luisa:

But I think that sometimes this is who the person is. They become that, and to them that's their norm. And it's nothing to them, and it's nothing to them, not really understanding that they really damaged a soul a person, a human being.

Mike:

Right.

Luisa:

Okay, because it affected you growing up and who you became.

Mike:

Right. So all this happened when I was like 12, 13, 14 years old, and now we're like 30.

Luisa:

How did you really feel? Did you want to talk to him or did you want to walk away from him?

Mike:

No, I wanted to get away from him as much as I could. I did not want any part of him.

Luisa:

You didn't want to like exchange numbers.

Mike:

No, it was really rough.

Luisa:

So what does that teach you? Now, babe, if you go back and you think about that, what's?

Mike:

Well, God teaches us something different. God teaches us to reconcile with a brother. I don't know that bullying happens in the Christian world. I mean it might, I mean, but I don't know how I would handle that type of encounter, especially at the age that it happened.

Mike:

I mean, I was young. What did I know? Okay, I was scared. I was a scared kid, so I really believed that God has a different way for us to handle it, but there was no way that I could even comprehend that and that encounter. It stayed with me for years and I even you know, sometimes the thoughts even come up for me today, and that leads me to talk about negative thought patterns. And what negative thought patterns are is they're thoughts that are ruminating on the offense and replaying the negative memories that can perpetuate anger and resentment. In other words, you lay there at night and stare at the ceiling and think about it. This is stuff that just plays over and over in your head.

Luisa:

If I remember my sister's situation, I can say that I did that too. It's true.

Mike:

Wow yeah.

Luisa:

I remember just laying there, always thinking about that situation, that scene, that five or 10 minutes of us fighting yeah, that's all I could think about. Right, I wasn't thinking about anything else?

Mike:

Yeah, it's rough, you lose a lot of sleep.

Luisa:

Yes.

Mike:

And see, here's what happens for me. This is how deep it can go, so I always imagined the most horrific death for those guys. That's how that's a human heart. Yeah, it was horrible, yeah. So I would imagine really bad deaths occurring for these people, and I was always the one who pulled the trigger, okay. So whatever way they were going to die, I was always the one that was going to hurt. Do that hurt back to them, like that was my revenge and these were my thoughts.

Luisa:

Thank God for God saving your soul.

Mike:

I held onto that anger and resentment for so long, for so long. Honestly, babe, it wasn't until I got saved that at age 53, it wasn't until then that forgiveness even started coming into my realm. Up until then, I had no forgiveness for them, and it affected me all these years.

Luisa:

That's human nature People that are not saved. You do something to me and I have the right to hate you for the rest of my life.

Mike:

Yeah, I agree.

Luisa:

And I did.

Mike:

That's just that part I really did, and I don't know what happened with your sister, but I know now you have a relationship, so praise God for that.

Luisa:

I thank God, because she asked me for forgiveness and I forgave her because I know, first of all, it's really who I am. I really didn't want to hold that unforg. Forgave her because I know, first of all, it's really who I am. Okay, I really didn't want to hold that unforgiveness towards her. I was just hurt.

Mike:

Right, but it took a while though.

Luisa:

But it took a while because the hurt was so big for me that I had to really try to figure out those emotions of her. And the hurt became anger, and then the anger became resentment, and then it just like you know, like everything's just a domino effect of our emotions, and not until I forgave her really for my heart and I understood forgiving in the biblical way, I was able thank God and His only God, he gets the glory to have a relationship with her, and it's just funny because she's a believer too now.

Mike:

So think about that, God is like he works in ways that we could never figure out, I don't know. So once in a while I still have those memories come up. But, like you said, god is the one who gives us the peace.

Luisa:

Yes. And then the next one is trust issues. When someone betrays our trust, rebuilding that trust can be challenging, making forgiveness difficult. That was me, okay, that's exactly what I was going through. I don't trust her. Now she's capable of doing A, b, c, d, so I have to protect myself and not allow her to talk behind my back.

Mike:

Right, so now, yeah, if you think about it the things that you and I are talking about, the bullying, the fist fight, that kind of stuff. Those are very extreme but it could happen on much smaller scale. So sometimes people do talk about us behind our back and that betrays a trust and God calls us to forgive in that Sometimes a coworker will undermine us to get a promotion. We see that happen all the time in the job-related stuff.

Luisa:

So there's a lot of things. So that's again, you know, remembering that God tells us to forgive for that. You know, sometimes a friend will show us their true colors, that's a time that God tells us to forgive that person. Okay, you know, I'm always saying that you show me who you are, I believe it you know, sometimes family members pick sides. I know in my family member that happens a lot. Okay and that's hard. But what does God tell us to do?

Mike:

Forgive. Sometimes a spouse will be unfaithful and boy, we've seen that and that's such a difficult betrayal and praise God that we don't have that, but I don't know how I know how God is the one that heals that heart. God is the one that helps you do it. He's the only one who can.

Luisa:

God is the one that comforts you, and so when you go through these trials like this, and if you're not taking it to the foot of Jesus Christ. You're going to struggle with this because now you're struggling in your own flesh and you're not depending and relying on God to give you the comfort that you need so you can trust and forgive somebody.

Mike:

Period.

Luisa:

So trust can be broken in so many ways. Sometimes it's hurtful. We may not even want to rebuild, much less forgive, especially if the person is unrepentant.

Mike:

Right, and that's generally what the problem is. When somebody comes to you and asks for forgiveness, I understand that it makes it a little less difficult to forgive them, but when a person is unrepentant, well, I understand why people God says still forgive. Right, I know.

Luisa:

Okay.

Mike:

But the Bible says in Proverbs 3 and verse 5, trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.

Luisa:

And unless we put our trust in God, we will never be able to forgive the poison of unforgiveness. It pollutes your spirit and oh yeah, it also hurts.

Mike:

Amen. So that was seven reasons why it's hard to forgive. Now, all of us, at one time or another, have chosen unforgiveness based on one or several of these reasons, and they're all valid reasons to hold on to something, unless you're a Christian.

Luisa:

And because we are Christians, we should not get stuck on any of these reasons. So today we are going to give you a step-by-step biblical process to be able to forgive in any situation, if that's what you want to do Right.

Mike:

Because it is a choice. You have to want to do it, so we're going to assume that you do and we're going to work from there. So here are seven steps on forgiveness. So number one is decide to forgive. You have to choose to forgive others, as commanded by Christ.

Luisa:

Every day we are wronged by someone in some way.

Mike:

That means every day is an opportunity to forgive someone. In Mark, chapter 11 and verse 25, jesus makes it clear about the topic of forgiveness. It says and when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Luisa:

We all hold on to things, babe.

Mike:

And that's because there's a payoff.

Luisa:

One of the payoffs I believe is being right.

Mike:

Right, the need to be right.

Luisa:

Yes.

Mike:

So let's talk about the need to be right for a minute. This is something that is a scourge and it kills relationships. It kills it in families, between friendship. It kill it in a marriage. Right, the need to be right means that you're going to stay stuck on whatever it is that you have, and I don't care what anybody else thinks, and I don't care if I'm right or wrong. I'm right.

Luisa:

Right and we use it against each other.

Mike:

We do so if somebody offends us, hurts us and sins against us. We don't want to forgive, but God tells us to forgive and at the end of the day, it's about obedience to God, Amen. And the incentive for your obedience is the gift of God forgiving you. And, on the flip side, if we are disobedient, God will not forgive us.

Luisa:

So in Matthew 6, 15 are the direct words of Jesus. But if you do not forgive others, their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses, amen, and that's a big one.

Mike:

So we have to always remember that If we expect God to forgive us, we have to forgive others.

Luisa:

The number two one is pray. Ask God to help you forgive and let go of the pain.

Mike:

First Chronicles, chapter 16 and verse 11 says seek the Lord and his strength, seek his presence continually. So the primary way to seek the Lord is through prayer, continually. So, the primary way to seek the Lord is through prayer.

Luisa:

God wants us to come to him with our troubles.

Mike:

And forgiveness does not come naturally. No, it sure doesn't.

Luisa:

We need his supernatural power. Just being in communication with him will bring us peace. I know for me whenever I'm in the space of knowing. We know when we're not forgiving somebody. We know when we're holding the grudge. We know when we're being righteous. We know when we know. So I just know that for me, instead of just holding on to that so I can prove myself right or whatever my payoff is for me there's always a payoff whenever we don't forgive somebody.

Mike:

We get something out of it.

Luisa:

We get something out of it. So my go-to all the time and I thank God for that the Holy Spirit leading me to say, luisa, it's time for you to pray, go, pray, go. Ask God to forgive you for being this way and not following your commandments and being disobedient to what you say. So I go, Lord. I can't, but you can. I'm weak, but you're strong. I am not obeying you by holding this grudge against Mike, because I'm right and he's wrong.

Mike:

Against me.

Luisa:

Yeah, you, of course you. I live with you. You're the first one babe on my list.

Mike:

Well, I'm glad that you pray when you get mad at me, I do all the time, because I know that I have to pray.

Luisa:

Okay, because if I don't pray, then I'm going to be in that space of the ugliness that God does not want me to be in.

Mike:

Come on let's keep it real.

Luisa:

You know so in Philippians 4, verses 6 through 7, comforts us Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds. In Christ Jesus, I believe this.

Mike:

This happens for me?

Luisa:

I'm telling you it does.

Mike:

Well again. So whenever you're holding a grudge or whenever you're in an unforgiving mood, just go to God and ask him to help you forgive.

Luisa:

And he will and he sure will.

Mike:

So number three we have to set aside our anger, so we have to forgive others by letting go of our right to revenge. Now, I talked about this earlier, when I was talking about the bullying. I wanted the revenge. I stayed angry, no matter what those people moved on, did whatever they were doing, lived their life, I stayed angry.

Luisa:

And they probably weren't even thinking about you.

Mike:

No, like I was a fly on the wall. Right, and that's just how it is, but we hold on to that. I held on to that. So what do?

Luisa:

we do. When we hold on to that, we keep that anger and that situation in our space every single day.

Mike:

Right. So here's what God commands us to do Ephesians, chapter 4, verses 31 and 32. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as, in Christ, god forgave you.

Luisa:

So the need to be right produces all kinds of sin.

Mike:

Amen.

Luisa:

Babe, look at the phrase get rid of. It means to give something up or let go of.

Mike:

Right. So if you look at the things that are in that verse bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, malice these are the root of all evil. It's just, and I had all those things in me.

Luisa:

And I think that everybody that goes through, whatever they go through, this is what goes on for them. This is their reality.

Mike:

Right those words. They lead us to seek revenge or take things into our own hands, and we must give them up before we could have any chance at forgiveness.

Luisa:

And I just know that kindness and compassion are the proper godly traits that lead to forgiveness.

Mike:

I know that and again, it took me a long time. So when I got saved, that's when I was able to finally let that go, because I understood what God wanted from me. And yeah, they say time heals all wounds. Well, sometimes it doesn't.

Luisa:

And God knew you were carrying all that. Yes.

Mike:

It's almost like in the Pilgrim's Progress, when Christian is walking around with that backpack on his back. I walked around with that backpack of anger and all that emotion for all those years.

Luisa:

And I think that that's why, when I met you, you were so guarded when it came to people. And that's how we protect ourselves, because we don't trust anymore. Yeah.

Mike:

I never thought about that. Yeah, you know. Thank you for that. You know I really was. Now that I'm looking at it, it's like I didn't trust anybody and people. I was in a cycle of not trusting people and people still hurting me in different ways. It was almost like I was a magnet for it, and again it wasn't until God saved me.

Luisa:

And you put yourself in a box of isolation.

Mike:

I did, that's what you did. I did, I did.

Luisa:

And again, scripture reminds us that we ought to forgive because God has forgiven us. Plain and simple.

Mike:

Amen, Amen. So number four base forgiveness on faith. Forgive others based on Christ's example, not the other person's worthiness. 1 John, 2 and verse 6 says Whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.

Luisa:

Listen, babe. No human being in history was wronged more than Jesus Christ.

Mike:

Sorry, I got that. And no human being in history was a better example of forgiveness Right. He was crucified by his enemies, yet he forgave them.

Luisa:

In Luke 23, verses 34, Jesus petitioned the Father from the cross. Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

Mike:

Amen. So think about that. He's on the cross, he's hanging there, he's ready to die. These people just did everything imaginable to him that was degrading and hurtful, and they lied and did. Those people deserve to be forgiven.

Luisa:

Probably not no.

Mike:

But if that's the case, we'd never forgive anyone.

Luisa:

Right. Most offenses against us are relatively small.

Mike:

Right, and we must us are relatively small Right, and we must follow the example of Christ and forgive Right, we make it big. We did so. Think about it. No matter what type of offense someone brings to us, we could never compare it to the world's offense against Christ.

Luisa:

Right.

Mike:

Yet he forgave us, he forgave them, and he's the example we have to follow. So we really have no excuse not to forgive.

Luisa:

I mean, it's just like people say, I could never forgive but in our own flesh we can't forgive so, as believers, we have to know that we have to follow God's word you have to know what God's word says, because that's how we walk this walk and we have to do what's word Right. You have to know what God's word says, because that's how we walk this walk and we have to do what the word says. And that says bring it to me, those who are weary and burdened, I'll give you rest. Right, this is what God says.

Mike:

Right.

Luisa:

So either we do it or we don't, or we walk in our misery because we want to be right and that doesn't serve us or anybody else.

Mike:

It never goes. Well, does it?

Luisa:

And number five is confront the hurt. Face your pain and suffering instead of rejecting it. The worst thing you can do is deny the hurt you are feeling.

Mike:

Yeah, you don't ever want to block us out. Many people pretend they're not hurt by an offense, but they suffer in silence.

Luisa:

And that's the worst, I think. I think the worst is suffering in silence, like you did, because then you don't open up yourself for anything good in the world.

Mike:

Nobody could help me because I wouldn't let them. There's stuff you can share with people and we know this as Christians, that we're commanded to bring our burdens to Christ. But we also have an opportunity with our brothers and sisters to share some stuff. I'm not saying you got to share everything with them, but when there's something going on for you that you're harboring unforgiveness, it's a good thing to go to someone because they could kind of help you, they could minister to you, they set you straight, could pray for you. So accept that somebody hurt you and don't deny it.

Luisa:

And feel those effects of it.

Mike:

Yeah, the effect is terrible. Now, pain and resentment, believe it or not, will open the door to forgiveness, and if you have to go through this, god will put you through this trial and the feelings are really going to intensify, but it's going to help you in the process. Understand that God is the one who's going to give you the strength for the forgiveness. So you have to go to him, you have to bear yourself to him.

Mike:

All right, you have to walk in humility and say God, I need your help. Right Philippians 4.13 says I can do all things through him, who strengthens me, and we're only going to get it from him. And that brings us to the next one. It's just be honest with God. So you have to pour out your hurt and talk to him, invite him into the process.

Luisa:

God knows your hurt and talk to him, invite him into the process. God knows your hurt, he does. God knows what you just went through, god knows and he's like okay, let me see what you're going to do with what you just went through. What does my word tell you to do? And you're not doing that because you're trying to handle it on your own and you can't, you can't, you can't.

Mike:

It's part of the prayer process. People think prayer is just like God give me a million dollars or a new car. No, this is how you pray. Go to God and say God, this is a horrible thing that happened to me. God, I'm really upset, I'm really distraught over this.

Luisa:

I need your help, god. This hurts me. God, I don't want to forgive this person. God, you know, I don't want to forgive this person, god, so I need you to help me to forgive this person.

Mike:

Right, don't walk around with a facade on or wearing a mask. So you know you have to surrender this hurt to him.

Luisa:

You have to go to him and just just bear it to him, like I say, you have to throw up on him. Yes, because you know, ah, throw up. I'm like Lord, please, lord, help me, because you know what I'm going through, you know how I'm feeling, you know I'm not happy, you know that I, I, I, I, I. And when we learn to drop that.

Mike:

I yes, we do.

Luisa:

Then our lives can be much more peaceful.

Mike:

Right.

Luisa:

So in Psalms 34, 17,. When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.

Mike:

He is faithful Amen and all their troubles. He is faithful.

Luisa:

Amen and amen and amen he is faithful and he will. Yes.

Mike:

So now we come to the last step, and that's setting healthy boundaries but continuing to forgive. So determine that you will move forward and not allow the offense to be replayed Right. In Luke 17, verses 3 and 4, it says pay attention to yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in the day and turns to you seven times saying I repent, you must forgive him Again in Matthew 18, verses 21 and 22. Then Peter came up and said to him Lord, how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him? As many as seven times. Jesus said to him I do not say to you seven times, but 77 times.

Luisa:

So if someone hurts you repeatedly, you command to forgive them, but you are not expected to trust them immediately.

Mike:

Amen.

Luisa:

And I think that's what people really don't understand. People think I forgive you, so then I'm allowing you to hurt me again.

Mike:

Right. So really, what it's saying is you don't have to trust them at all, right, all right, you don't have to trust them immediately, but maybe you're not going to trust them at all, right, all right, you don't have to trust them immediately, but maybe you're not going to trust them at all. Maybe sometimes you have to keep people right there, right, and while you are commanded to forgive, you're not under any obligation to continue a relationship where you're repeatedly being hurt.

Luisa:

Nothing in Scripture says that.

Mike:

No, there's nothing, and we have a lot of people where we've forgiven them but they're not in our lives anymore. I mean, I got a whole bunch of people that I've had either problems with, where I've wronged them, they've wronged me, we've gone through something, the relationship dissolved and I've let it go and I think because in life we have to really understand that we are all in seasons.

Luisa:

God gives us seasons in and he brings people in our lives for a certain amount of time.

Mike:

Right.

Luisa:

So sometimes we want people in our lives for a long time and God is like no, this person I'm putting here because there's something I want you to learn from this person.

Mike:

Might be six months.

Luisa:

And it might be six months, it might be a year, it might be three years, it might be 20 years, it depends. Look at you with the relationship that you had with your friends.

Mike:

How many?

Luisa:

years of relationship was that 50. Okay, and then? What did the Lord do? He took them away Right. Just like that, the season was over.

Mike:

It was.

Luisa:

Okay, and I think people cling on to people because they think they have to.

Mike:

God removes people when it's time Right and when they. It's hard to say why he does it, but he knows. I mean, I could never understand it, but he does know and he will remove somebody. That is not for you anymore, right.

Luisa:

Nobody's obligated to continue a hurtful relationship. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.

Mike:

Amen.

Luisa:

I'm big on that, you know, I'm big on that. So when we learn to live that way and say you know, this person hurt me before, so I'm not going to be that trustworthy to them anymore.

Mike:

Right.

Luisa:

Okay, and we have to remember that we also have a choice to say you know what I don't want? I don't want to be in this relationship anymore.

Mike:

Not let that person determine that for me yeah. I mean that does happen, so that does happen. God just has a way of doing it.

Luisa:

Yes, thank God.

Mike:

So those were the seven steps that we had towards forgiveness. Now we're just going to run these out. This is three reasons why we must forgive, so number one reasons why we must forgive. So number one forgiveness is at the very heart of the gospel. We were born sinners against God, but he loved us enough to send Christ, his son, to die for us. Colossians 3 and verse 13 states bearing with one another and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other. As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Luisa:

Amen. And number two is forgiving others is obedience. God makes it clear that we must forgive or face his consequences. And Matthew 6, verses 14 through 15, tells us that consequence. For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Mike:

Amen, and we also need to forgive others so that we don't grow bitter. Resentment is a very unhealthy emotion. It hurts us far more than those who have affronted us or anyone else. Hebrews 12, verse 15 speaks to this See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many, and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

Luisa:

So as we release unforgiveness and all the bitterness and anger that comes with it, we are free to live and serve with real peace and joy and grow in spiritual maturity.

Mike:

Now we know that we can depend on God to give us the grace to live out our forgiveness. Make the right choice, start a journey of forgiveness today, praying for the Lord to equip you for this difficult but eternally rewarding task. Let's pray, oh Father, god, in our own flesh we would be hard-pressed to forgive anyone. Our pride and selfishness would keep us bitter and angry, but through the power of the Holy Spirit we can overcome any offense and give people the same grace that you give us. We thank you for leading us to be more like your son, jesus, who forgave those who hung him on a tree. It is in his name we pray.

Luisa:

Amen. So that wraps up episode 51, babe.

Mike:

Amen.

Luisa:

We thank you for listening. We invite you to leave us a comment or a question by going to our website at jtepodcastorg.

Mike:

That's jtepodcastorg.

Luisa:

Click on the contact us page and we will respond within 24 hours. If you don't personally know us, introduce yourselves. We would love to get to know you from across the states or around the world.

Mike:

Now, while you're at the website, you can subscribe to the podcast and receive an email the minute a new episode is published. You can also find all of our previous episodes, and we invite you to find one that resonates with you.

Luisa:

And, as always, please support us by sharing this podcast with a friend or on your social media page.

Mike:

So till next time. We wish you God's blessing as you navigate everyday life in a sinful, fallen world.

Luisa:

May the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

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Luisa and Mike Sirignano

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